Closure Exposure

Many hollow words
walk these ways.
Confusing, exhausting
love
caresses my callow heart.

Lost in love
am I
confused?

But isn't this rejection?
Isn't this acceptance?

For every time
I bid you 'way,
you're here
and nowhere,
never leaving,
never going,
never staying.

Every time I let you in,
you stay your course,
but when I look
to touch your hands, your face,
you are gone.

Gone in whispering winds,
lost to me like a ship in the mist.

Now I see that you love me,
but I never did trust you.
You see,
I never really let you in at all.

Am I destined to be alone,
or can you get in?
Am I still worth fighting for?

Fight for me,
even though, to get me,
you'll have to fight me.


This is another one of those ones that was very much for a time, a time of questioning, understanding, grappling. The person I speak about in this poem is, in fact, the Lord and my relationship with Him (which may sound heretical to some, but I don't apologise because my faith is very personal). Jesus accepts me even now totally as I am, a work in progress but still a work He died for. So I am very glad for that truth. At the time I wrote this poem, however, although I can't remember the specifics of writing it, it seems I was having some serious self-confidence struggles and grappling with the potential doubt that God may not come through for me that time. I'm glad to say two years later that He certainly did, and always does. My guess is, I wrote this during my first year at college...

Matt K, 2004